The Apple of Draco's Eye: A Love Triangle
by LynstHolin
Summary: CRACK Dramione/Drapple


Warnings: suggestiveness, language, CRACK CRACK CRACK

...

The boutique was full of women looking for just the perfect dress for tomorrow evening, and Hermione was one of them. It was to be her and Draco's first Valentine's Day together, and Draco had refused to give her even the tiniest clue as to what he was planning. He just smiled that mysterious smile he liked to use on her. That smile that made her weak in the knees. That smile that, no matter how angry he made her sometimes, always drew her back to him. That smile that seemed to melt the knickers right off of her... As she stood there daydreaming in front of the dress racks, Hermione knew she had a smile of her own on her face; a rather foolish, besotted one.

"Well, the man must be something else," said a clerk, startling Hermione out of her daze.

"He certainly is." Hermione worked at putting on a less-stupefied expression.

"Well, how about this? Very sexy without being cheap, and this color really pops."

The clerk had an excellent eye. The dress was bias-cut jersey, made to drape curves perfectly. And that shade would certainly catch Draco's eye. And remind him of things that Hermione didn't want him reminded of. "Ah, I don't really like apple-green. Do you have something in red?"

TEN YEARS EARLIER

"What did you do?"

"Beggin' yer pardon, Dumbledore, but I thought I might just try a wee bit o' magic to get rid o' the aphids."

"Oh, Hagrid," the Headmaster sighed.

The path to the Hogwarts Quidditch pitch led through a charming apple orchard that had been planted by Helga Hufflepuff herself. The trees were enchanted to produce delicious green apples all year round. "Whatever charm you used reacted oddly with the Ever-Bearing charm, I think ."

"Maybe yeh can leave 'em that way? It's awful purty."

The apple trees had a golden aura to them now. There was no wind, but they still moved, dancing to an airy tune that they made themselves. "Yes, it is quite beautiful, but we would never be able to keep the students from eating the apples."

Hagrid looked alarmed. "There's nothin' wrong with the apples, is there?"

"Well, I don't really-has someone eaten one?" Hagrid pointed to Draco Malfoy, half-hidden behind one of the trees. To say he was _eating_ an apple would be inadequate. 'Making love to' would be much more accurate. His eyes were closed in ecstasy as he took tiny little nips, licking up every drop of juice. The tree he was leaning against giggled and brushed him with its leaves. "Drop that apple!" Dumbledore ordered.

As the two men closed in on him, Draco hugged the apple to his chest. "You're just jealous because the apples love me and not you!" he shouted.

...

Lucius Malfoy glared at Hagrid so witheringly that he seemed to shrink to the size of an ordinary-sized man. "He ought to be sacked!"

"Now, now, Lucius," Dumbledore said. "Everything will be fine. It turns out that the Amor Sprite that has possessed the trees in the orchard is of a species that is completely monogamous as long as it is bound to one location, which means no other students will be affected."

"I do not care about _other students_. What about my son?" He swept a hand toward Draco, who was petting an apple and whispering endearments, completely ignoring the adults.

"He's a boy of thirteen. He'll move on to a new infatuation soon enough. The spell of an Amor Sprite is strong, but short-lived."

"You had better be right. I want grandchildren. _Human_ ones."

BACK TO THE PRESENT

Hermione got off work early; she wanted plenty of time to get ready for the big night. When she entered the flat she shared with Draco, she was surprised to see his favorite jacket hanging from the back of a kitchen chair. He was supposed to be at his office in Gringott's until six. A grin spread across Hermione's face. What was he doing for her that would need so much prep time? She took off her shoes and tip-toed into the living room.

The scent should have warned her of what she was going to find. A rich, crisp, sweetly tart smell. _Green apple_. He was sprawled on the couch, his tie loosed and his shirt half unbuttoned, caressing the perfect, glossy skin with his tongue. Merlin only knew what Hermione would have found if she'd walked in just ten minutes later. "_Where did you get that_?"

Draco shot straight up, launching the apple out of his hand. It hit the wall opposite and left a stain. "It's just a regular apple from the supermarket, I swear!"

The apple sobbed. "Oh, really?" Hermione picked the apple up and carried it to the kitchen. She took the biggest knife she had out of a drawer, cut the apple into chunks (ignoring its protests), and rammed it down the garbage disposal.

When she turned around, Draco was giving her a puppy-dog look. "Please don't leave me. I'm sorry."

Hermione crossed her arms and glared. "I put up with your parents' condescension. I put up with Goyle's free-loading, and Parkinson's cattiness, and Zabini constantly trying to touch my bottom. I put up with you taking over all the closets in the house and your inability to do housework and that godawful wizard-rap you listen to. I will _not _put up with sharing your affections with anyone or any _thing_."

His eyes were so big and sad and soulful. "I promise, there will be no one but you from now on."

"Oh, you can bet your last Galleon there will be no one but me." Hermione stomped her feet back into her shoes, grabbed her purse, and stalked out.

_..._

_THE DAILY PROPHET FEBRUARY 15, 2004_

_GRANGER GOES GONZO! ST. VALENTINE'S DAY MASSACRE!_

_The brains and beauty of the Golden Trio went on a horrific rampage yesterday. The Hogwarts apple orchard, famed for its loveliness and delicious fruit, has been on the school grounds since the days of the Founders. Tragically, it has been cruelly chopped down by a crazed Hermione Granger, using a Muggle device known as a 'chain saw'. All that remains now are stumps. We do not have a motive for this heinous act of vandalism yet, but students that witnessed it claim to have heard her shouting, "He's mine, you shameless whore!" It is said that that the trees screamed as they were being cut down. _

_"This incident is heartbreaking, yes, but it's not entirely a negative thing," Headmistress McGonagall said; "The Amor Sprite that had been bound to the orchard for the past decade is now free."_

_Granger will be evaluated to see if she needs a stay in St. Mungo's. Counselors will visit Hogwarts to help students deal with the trauma._

As Draco finished reading the story in the morning paper, he shook his head. "You're damned scary sometimes, did you know that?"

"You didn't seem to mind last night when I was escorted home all covered in grease and saw-dust," Hermione replied, smiling as she remembered how heated things had gotten, once the Aurors had left. There had been screaming and biting and the inventive use of several common household items, and the bed had collapsed.

"I like a woman who fights for her man," Draco growled, just before he tackled her. The toast and the eggs fell on the floor, but neither one cared as they tested out just how sturdy the breakfast table was.


End file.
